Living with Autism and ADHD Together: What It Actually Feels Like

I'm writing this at 2:47 AM because my ADHD brain decided right now was the perfect time to hyperfocus on explaining how I manage living with both autism and ADHD. My autism brain is furious about the disrupted sleep schedule. They're fighting again. They fight a lot.

Welcome to AuDHD life, where your brain is basically two roommates who hate each other but are stuck in the same apartment forever. One of them color-codes the spice rack. The other one sets fires for fun. Somehow, you're supposed to get a Master's degree and hold down a job while they're screaming at each other 24/7.

I got my ADHD diagnosis in my late 30s and my autism diagnosis in my early 40s, which means I spent roughly four decades thinking I was just uniquely bad at being human. Turns out, nope—I've got two competing neurological operating systems trying to run on the same hardware, and they have very different ideas about how things should work.

My autism wants routine, predictability, and for things to happen in the same order every single time. My ADHD looks at routine like a toddler looks at vegetables: absolutely fucking not.

What AuDHD Actually Feels Like

Medical websites will tell you that autism means "difficulty with change" and ADHD means "impulsivity and hyperactivity." Cool, thanks, very helpful. Let me translate what that actually means when you have both:

Monday morning: My autism brain has mapped out the entire day. Martial arts training at 6 AM, work on the autonomous drone computer vision project from 8-12, database management homework from 1-3, Duolingo at 3:15 PM (day 537 of my streak, don't @ me), then either more training or recovery time at 6 PM. Perfect. Structured. Predictable.

Monday reality: I get to my desk at 8 AM, fully prepared to work on drone navigation algorithms, and my brain suddenly becomes obsessed with refactoring a cybersecurity monitoring script I wrote three months ago. It has nothing to do with the drone project. But my ADHD brain is like "THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW" and my autism brain is screaming "THIS IS NOT THE PLAN, ABORT, ABORT."

Spoiler: ADHD wins. I refactor the script. It takes four hours. I miss my homework window. I forget to eat lunch. My autism brain files a formal complaint. We'll deal with that tonight at 2 AM when autism wakes me up to review every single deviation from the plan.

This is living with autism and ADHD together in daily life. It's not inspirational. It's two parts of your brain in a constant Mexican standoff, and you're just trying to get some fucking work done while they negotiate terms.

The Daily Conflict: Routine vs. Novelty

Here's what nobody tells you about AuDHD: everything that helps one condition makes the other one worse.

My autism needs routine. I train at Shen Wu Academy twice a week—internal Chinese martial arts that require serious focus and repetition. Xingyiquan, Baguazhang, Taijiquan. Same days. Same times. My autism brain is thriving.

My teacher keeps it interesting enough that my ADHD doesn't rebel—we're always peeling off different layers of the onion. Both brains are actually happy with this arrangement. It's rare. It's beautiful. I'm not fucking with it.

But then there's my work projects, where these two brains turn into a full-contact sport.

Real example from this week: I have four active projects:

1. Autonomous drone computer vision system (80% complete)
2. Cybersecurity monitoring toolkit for healthcare infrastructure (needs final testing)
3. AI consciousness research paper (in editing phase)
4. 4K video streaming platform with AI upscaling (early development)

My autism brain has a PLAN. We finish the drone CV system first. It's 80% done. We're SO CLOSE. Then we move to the cybersecurity toolkit, then the research paper, then the streaming platform. Logical. Sequential. Efficient.

My ADHD brain at 9 AM on Monday: "But what if we worked on the streaming platform AI upscaling algorithms RIGHT NOW because I just thought of something interesting?"

My autism brain: "No. We are finishing the drone system. We are 80% complete. We do not abandon projects at 80%."

My ADHD brain: "Counterpoint: the streaming platform is MORE INTERESTING right now and the drone thing is BORING."

Me, sitting at my desk, paralyzed, accomplishing nothing while my two brains have a cage match.

What actually happened: ADHD won (it always does—impulsivity beats planning every time). I worked on the streaming platform for 3 hours, felt guilty the entire time (autism was FURIOUS), then spent 2 hours on the drone system out of spite, and now both projects are in weird half-finished states and both parts of my brain are pissed at me.

The compromise: I have designated "deep work" blocks (8 AM-1 PM, autism approves the structure), but I can choose which project from my active list to work on (ADHD gets agency). The catch: once I pick, I'm locked in for at least 90 minutes. No switching.

Both brains hate this equally, which means it's probably the right answer.

I also keep rigid routines for things that keep me alive: Training schedule, Duolingo at 3:15 PM (day 537 and counting), meal timing. These are non-negotiable. The structure prevents total chaos. The project flexibility prevents mutiny.

It's like being a divorced couple who still has to live together and raise kids. We've worked out a custody agreement. It's fragile.

Coming Up Next

In Part 2, I'm breaking down:

• Why conferences are sensory warfare between my two brains
• The hyperfocus trap that sounds like a superpower but is actually a curse
• Why "just try harder" can fuck right off
• What it's actually like to present at cybersecurity panels when your brain is actively working against itself

[Read Part 2: The Sensory Hell and Hyperfocus Trap of AuDHD →]

For now, just know this: If you're living with autism and ADHD together, and you feel like your brain is actively sabotaging you, you're not broken. You're just running two operating systems at once, and sometimes they conflict.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's 3:47 AM (I got distracted), my autism brain is filing noise complaints about the disrupted sleep schedule, and I need to be at training in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

This is fine. Everything is fine. Welcome to AuDHD.